Keep going.

Someone once said that death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. I could tell you who said it, but who the hell cares.

It all just seems so fake. This idea that good things happen to good people and there’s magic in the world, and that the meek and righteous will inherit it. There's too many good people who suffer for someting like that to be true. There are too many prayers that get unanswered. Every day we ignore how completely broken this world is, and we tell ourselves it’s all going to be okay. "You're gonna be okay. "But it’s not okay. And once you know that, there’s no going back. There’s no magic in the world, at least not today there isn’t.

I was thinking about the finality of it all – how somebody can leave your world in the blink of an eye and be gone forever. It could mean literally and not. I mean people disappoint, and they come and go. The thought of it all is just too enormous to think about. It’s too hard. And then you’re just supposed to go on, right, like just deal with it, I mean really you’re only supposed to be sad for as long as the flowers last and then, oh, time to go back to telling jokes and reminiscing about the old days. I don’t have any jokes to tell. As a matter in fact I hope I never hear another joke as long as I live. And the old days are just that, they're old days, that are, gone.

I hate to tell myself to just be happy. But I don’t feel happy. And when I try to change it, when I try to remember what being happy felt like, I can’t. I don’t feel joy. I don’t feel inspired. I feel numb.

Hey, it’s me. I know you’re gone. And you’re not coming back, but I was just thinking maybe somehow I could see you again or be able to talk to you or hear your voice. Every day we ignore how broken this world truly is and we tell ourselves it’s all going to be okay. "You're gonna be okay. "But it’s not okay. I know that now.

"We mourn with those who mourn, we rejoice with those who rejoices. We cry with those who cry, and we laugh with those who are laughing."

And yes, we should never lose sight of what we want in life, chasing after it with all we got even if it means losing ourselves temporary in the course of pursuit. The only thing stopping you from reaching what you want, or who you want, is simply, yourself.

Good night. Tomorrow marks day one of my last week. I am going to miss tonnes of people. I love you guys and yes, this is sort of a valediction.

Sobs.