Who you are is who you are. We’re liars. We’re thieves. We’re addicts. We take our happiness for granted until we hurt ourselves or someone else. We hold grudges. And when faced with our mistakes, we reinvent the past. We reinvent ourselves. At least we try. We’re prideful, and we’re lustful, and we’re incredibly flawed. And eventually, our flaws catch up to us.
By now, I have a major "lovequake" reeling inside of me. Just when i was trying to simplify my life, it gets more complicated. But that's a good thing.
In life, or what's left of it, we fall short of the people we were meant to be. Sometimes people do things they’re ashamed of. And usually after the guilt sets in, we make things worse. Sometimes people do funny things in the face of pressure and desperation, and the truth, well, the truth is an absolute. And the truth can set you free.
I recount of mistakes in the past that i'm tangled up with. You know there's a saying how your past is a ghost. Well true and yet, not true. If there's something i figured out with this small brains of mine, it's that no matter how fast you run, your past will catch up with you. Two things can happen, one is you can continue running, try the other direction and hopefully lose him at the next corner, but trust me, it's not hide and seek. Plus, your past will always be a faster runner. Two, you take it head on and correct the errs of it, making wrong, right. Well the latter is way more painful as compared to the former but at least for the next century of your life, you don't have to be constantly looking over your shoulders.
I love sweeping things, mistakes, guilt, wrongs and the painful experiences and memories all under the rug, hoping some cleaner in my life would just vacuum and make it go away. If you can just for a moment, take a sneak peak into my life, under that rug, you might call me the devil. But I'm not. We are all carnal. We make mistakes. We sin. We do things we are not proud of. Period. And like a great man once preached, if you overlook my residue, i'll overlook yours.
Considering we all have our 'dirty little secrets', it is therefore advisable to engage yourself in battle mode, going straight for the root of the problem, showing no mercy at all. Eradicate it and waste no more precious time of yours. This could mean telling someone about it, being accountable, asking for forgiveness, repenting, whatever is it, do what you need to do.
Take me for example, not doing what i need to do back then. Mistakes caught up with me and let's just say the introduction wasn't pleasant. Took me off guard but more than that, took me off my game. There was a sudden void in my life and everything that was going good for me came to a complete cease. Not a hiatus you would want if you ask me. Days became blurry, nights became daunting, and week in week out, i slept with guilt and i woke up with guilt. A painful mire to be in. That's what you get when you don't do what you need to do. Yes you can justify yourself by saying that you've responded to all the altar calls in church or sat in the confessional box all night talking to the priest but what matters is what you do after all that. Do you head on to beer garden and have a plate of prata, sip some ice tea then head back home, step on the rug with a condescending disgusting look, and just like every other day, you head on back to your room, shut the door and turn your back on everything pretending you're a priest in the garden of saints?
Brings me to say, these are the areas in our lives we need to man up and do what we ought to do.
Having said all the jinx that probably just caused an upheaval in your life, I'm pretty sure there's a point somewhere that would be a specific revelation to you, just it was to me, sometime back.
Before i end, there's one thing i'll like to reiterate. My last few posts excluding the sister bullshit (haha) were all about the same thing - people missing out on opportunities that are so rare. Let me just give you a heads up, opportunities of such might completely pass you by if you don't grasp it and suddenly HEY, in that instance when reality strikes you, it's too late for regrets. You can just plug in your ipod and put Nsync' Bye Bye Bye on repeat.
Not sure about you but there are things i need to do. And i'm off to do them. It could be confessing to your mom that you stole a cookie from the cookie jug to even asking for forgiveness from a certain friend for harboring hatred all these years to telling someone you love them. Do it, before it's too late. Life is too short to live on with regrets. And life's too short to always be thinking about "oh what is going to happen after i say it or do it". Well you wouldn't die and at least you can go to bed at night with no qualms as you did what you had to do. Plus, I will be proud of you.
God may send a load, but he will never send an overload.
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