10 ways to enjoy summer at the beach.
1. Bring a dog. It's friendlier than most of the bronzed poseurs on display in the sand.
2. Accept the fact that not all humans are born equal. Some may gave pecs carved out of marble, some may have abs in sets of half a dozen, but some of us know better to wear our sunglasses on the top of our heads.
3. While wading in the water, smile sheepishly to the stranger next to you and say, "Sorry. When you gotta go, you gotta go!"
4. Bring a book. It's good for throwing at office retards doing team-building activities.
5. Find an angry lesbian out with her dog and ask, "So how long have you guys been dating!"
6. Pretending to be an obvious blind jogger gives you the opportunity to kick sand in people's faces while looking good in your new sunnies.
7. In the event there are a herd of screaming devil children around, tell them you'll give five bucks to whoever can hold their breath underwater the longest. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the paramedics arrive.
8. Find a very gay man on rollerblades and flash your tits at him. You'll hear a petrified scream before a loud crashing sound.
9. Walk up to a random guy in speedos, point at his crotch and yell to your friends across the beach, "You're right! He does have a labia!"
10. Remember - when the sun's out, your spectacles can be used, just like a magnifying glass, to burn holes in the bathing suits of sleeping sunbathers.
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